Now u can !!!

Rain

2012-01-17T01:11:00.001+05:30

I am going to make it rain,

no matter how hard I have to try.

For I am the one without the pain,

and deaf to the cry.

A little here and a little there

life is passing through.

New lures everywhere

with or without you.

They leave behind little traces of guilt,

as the solemn resolves go up in smoke.

The earnest acceptance of weakness,

dissolves the kind words you spoke.

As thoughtful as one can be

and as sensitive as one can get.

A constant meaty grey,

but its not yet at its best.

With experience and with memories
but with no clue on how to cope.
Held them on far too long though
nothing from the past beckoned hope.

Sadness

2012-01-16T02:00:00.001+05:30

Sadness is like that half a second blip on the movie screen, that can come at any point along the film.It is not really a part of the movie but its a clink or a scratch that results from the CD not being looked after. To enjoy a perfect movie you need to be prepared to take the time to clean and maintain the movie disk. Similarly, you should be prepared to take the time to look after your life to avoid and clinks of sadness.

Sadness is like that few drops of drink spilled on your desk, that leave a circular blotch of the shape of the rim of your cup. Its not really something you want, but it has come from something you like. To enjoy your favorite drink, you must be prepared to rub a few blotched tables with your sleeves. Similarly, in life should be prepared to experience sadness, if you choose to build fondness with things or people.

Sadness is like that unrest-full sleep on the couch after several sleepless nights. Its not something that you do every day, or have much control over. but whenever it happens, you learn to value simple things like your bed or a good night's sleep that you otherwise took for granted. Things change, people go away. In life, be grateful of things you have and be grateful that you had them,when they are gone.

Sadness is like that last caramel candy you have been saving, that falls on the floor as you are unwrapping it. You'd be tempted to pick it up and go back to pretending as if nothing happened, but if you do that you must be prepared to have a bad taste in your mouth. Nothing fixes itself on being ignored. Don't deny your sadness but rather face it head on.

Sadness is like that appreciative word that you wait to hear eagerly but it never comes along. It should be a reason for you to try and get better so that it comes your way, but instead it becomes a reason for you to even stop trying. Whatever caused you the sadness, should not dissuade you from what ever you were doing, rather it should instigate you to see if something needs to be changed and change it.

Sadness it like that dinner that you end up burning on an already rough day. Its not the worst thing that happened to you all day but its the one that pushed you over to loose your cool. Similarly, in life we get stuck on the triggers of our sadness rather than the real cause of it.

Me..

2012-01-14T23:48:00.000+05:30

Frozen heart, by heat of careless world,
fluid willed, by chill of the fear,
I run, livid in this spiritless world,
Amok, in the dead calms.

Artless in inspiration,
tactless in persuasion,
scathed by applause,
and coddled by claws.

Hurt, on being loved
and cherishing the alcove.
Depressed at the apex
and spirited in every fall.

Praised for the ordinary,
ridiculed for bringing a dawn
Dull at the beginning
but ending with aplomb.

Hardened of emotions,
yet fragile of the heart,
sure of my indecision
and eager to perform.

Rooted in the sheerness
of a guileless mind
and blinded by the glaze
of a clear heart.

Consecrated with demons,
and crucified with holy souls.
Stepped upon petals,
while grooming the thorns.

Overlooking perfection
and seeking flaws
Unvalued, Uncherished.
Me.. .

Crossroads

2012-01-13T23:11:00.000+05:30

Which way should I turn?

Towards the road that excites me,

or the path that calms my mind.

Should I tread the way that pushes me to get better,

or the way that makes me feel great about myself?

One path is an undiscovered treasure trove,

while the other bears fruits I have savored for long

Thoughts of one give me goose bumps,

while the memories of the other relaxes me to no end.

One filled with wonders that I stare at wide eyed,

And the other so secure that I soak in it with eyes closed.

Should I turn towards exploring and discovering?

Or towards the embrace of years of familiarity.

Should I be with the new?

Or with what I always knew.

Which way should I turn?

Towards the road that takes me to a new dream

Or the path that lets the heart flourish in all that I like.

Stitches

2012-01-13T03:48:00.002+05:30

As I sat there, getting stitched, I wondered why it did not hurt. Your hand, firm and purposeful, moved without any sign of hesitation. But the fact that it did not cause me any additional pain, meant that you were doing the job well. The traces of thick, coarse thread, going in all pale and white, were coming out burgundy. A little red had dripped on to those fine shoes, but surprisingly, the red that appeared a pale color on a pale thread, looked devilishly shiny on a pair of shiny shoes.
Sitting there, I could not help but notice how high the ceiling was, the ceiling of your chamber. And I could not help but imagine how the red would look on that high ceiling. But then I knew, that no matter how invigorated I feel, I would not be able to reach those ceilings. Those high ceilings protected you and those with you, and you protected those high ceilings right back.
Watching your needle work its magic on my body was no less enchanting that watching you. Your unfazed expression and your focused eyes, vigilant and scanning for minutest of details gave me an eerie comfort of being looked after. Stitch after stitch made you me feel better, and Stitch after stitch made you feel stronger.

So near apart

2012-01-10T23:55:00.000+05:30

"I don't want you", he said, and he meant it . Charmers are not usually keepers. She knew that and he did not try to refute it. However what she did not know was that he was going to be around, looking from the far end of the dinner tables and raising a glass in all those bar nights. He was going to be around making and taking the trips as they happen, telling stories and listening to stories being told along the way. He was going to be there with every one when the time called for pulling an all-nighter or an all-dayer. He may be stepping away but he was not going away. He would be there, walking away turning a corner on the street where she would catch a glimpse of his neck over his collar. He would be there in the conversations, in them and making them, and she would either hear from him or hear about him.He would be there to help with all his abilities and he would be there to create trouble with his mischief. She knew it, but there was only so little she could do. He did not intend to make himself visible, grab or demand attention, or push the line. But she would still see him and he would see her. She would see him calmly nod his head to her as their eyes meet, and move on with no more than just a nod. He would see her trying hard to keep all the attention on her. She would see him raising him arms in euphoric laughter that gets a gathering started. He would see her, peacefully holding on to someone else's arm.

Tears of a man

2012-01-10T12:21:00.000+05:30

A patient man,
with eyes set in stone,
and face like porcelain,
cried.

An ordinary man,
with no fancy talks,
and simple thoughts,
cried.

An honest man,
with no lies or secrets,
and a clear heart,
cried.

A trusting man,
with faith in love,
and a belief in others words,
cried.

A friendly man,
with joyous heart,
and a zesty charm,
cried.

A committed man,
with no distractions or indulgences,
and a resolve in his heart,
cried.

A tolerant man,
with a forgiving heart ,
and a positive view,
cried.

He cried for who he was,
and how ungrateful the world was,
His sorrow only getting heavier,
with each tear he held back in his heart.

By myself

2012-01-10T00:15:00.001+05:30

By myself, I'd be afraid of the dark,

but with you, I find courage in me to keep off your fears.

By myself, I'd be tripping and falling,

but with you, I find balance in me to give you a hand.

By myself, I’d be clueless and lost,

but with you, I find the sense in me to solve your dilemmas.

By myself, I'd be too coiled up with worries,

but with you, I find the calm in me to sooth your mind.

By myself, I'd loose my mind,

but with you, I find composure in me to cool you down.

By myself, I'd be distraught,

but with you, I find strength to console your sorrows.

By myself, I'd be tired and spent,

but with you, I find ability to edge you on.

By myself, I'd be satisfied

but with you , I find to keep you going.

By myself, I'd be a lot of things

but with you, I find ways to be so many more.

Look back

2011-11-02T01:09:00.000+05:30

Bad memories are like a hot girl passing by you on the street. You want to turn your head and look back but its best you don't or you run the risk of not seeing what lies ahead and tripping in your path.

Saddle

2011-10-10T09:07:00.001+05:30

Neither being right every time
nor admitting when you are wrong.

Neither keeping a positive mind
nor ruing over past.

Neither knowing when to stop
nor just going on and on.

Neither being belligerent
nor always being calm.

Neither listening with honesty
nor staying quite and strong.

Neither being your true self
nor being clay in a mold.

Neither being accepting
nor being persistent for change.

Getting back on the saddle each time
is what matters the most.

Let go

2011-09-20T09:32:00.000+05:30

To let go the suffering,
you have to let go the pain.

To let go the pain,
you have to let go the hurt.

To let go the hurt,
you have to let go the hatred.

To let go the hatred,
you have to let go the anger.

To let go the anger,
you have to let go the memories.

To let go the memories,
you have to let go the person.

To let go the person,
you have to let go the love.

let go and suffer
or suffer and let go.

Choose for yourself

2011-08-15T06:48:00.000+05:30

I can choose to do it or I can choose to not do it.
Either ways I would still have to do the choosing.

Oil and Water

2011-08-15T06:42:00.001+05:30

Passion and Discipline are like oil and water, they do not mix easily.
But when they do the results are amazing.

Everything

2011-08-14T12:22:00.000+05:30

Everything shining can not be her eyes

and everything enchanting can not be her gaze.

Everything captivating can not be her face

and everything sparkling can not be her smile.

Everything absorbing can not be her hair

and everything entangling can not be her curls.

Everything amber can not be her lips

and everything sweet can not be her kiss.

Everything velvet can not be her skin

and everything warm can not be her touch.

Everything comforting can not be her embrace

and everything fragrant can not be her perfume.

Everything enticing can not be her charm

and everything exciting can not be her lures.

Everything true can not be her word
and everything honest can not be her emotions.

Everything compelling can not be her thoughts
and everything fulfilling can not be her presence

Everything meaningful can not be her trust
and everything achievable can not be her intimacy

Everything can not be her
and everything can never be her.

Cilice

2011-08-01T06:20:00.007+05:30

Every one tells me that its already gone,

but I am the one still holding on.

A moment, a life, a memory, a dream,

how long will it bleed is yet to be seen.

Knowing is agony,

not knowing is bliss.

What was always on my mind

is now also under my skin.

Not gentle like a blow,
not scathing like a kiss,
close to my body, digging into my flesh,
I cringe, but savor the pain and sweat.

It is what it is

without any remorse.

Those who chooses to embrace it

deserves no more.

Guileless in compassion,

but artless in expression,

tethering with love,

but liberating with blood.

Wrapping itself around me,

and never looking to leave,

constant companion

my cilice.

Poem

2011-07-24T09:01:00.001+05:30

Write me a poem, will you?
I will hang it up my wall,
right besides the paintings that I made
for you, which you did not want.

Write me a poem, will you?
I will keep it in my diary,
between the crumbled pages of stories
of times that are now history.

Write me a poem, will you?
I will keep it by my bed,
besides the empty photo frames
that I took with me when I left.

Write me a poem, will you?
I will keep it under my pillow,
right beneath the creases
where you used to rest your head.

Write me a poem, will you?
I will keep it in my mind
which is now adept
at keeping occupied

Write me a poem, will you?
I will keep it in my heart
and throw out the rest of you
part by part.

Poem

2011-07-23T10:15:00.000+05:30

Write me a poem, will you?
for all the nights of angst you have had.
I will hang it up by my bed,
and have a good nights sleep under it.

Write me a poem, will you?
for every word I went back on.
I will keep it in my diary,
besides the list of promises you kept.

Write me a poem, will you?
for all the times I have erred.
I will keep it by my bed,
like a symbol of your resolve.

Write me a poem, will you?
for all your hopes I dismayed.
I will keep it under my pillow
and dream my glorious dreams.

Write me a poem will you?
for every time I have looked elsewhere.
I will keep it in my mind
as a reminder to keep my faith.

Write me a poem, will you?
for all the poems you've written me thus far.
I will keep it in my heart
in the void of your absence.

Tenacity

2011-07-18T06:35:00.000+05:30

Tenacity is about how soon do you follow up
an "Oh Shit!!" with a "No Problem"

Through now

2011-07-13T19:54:00.000+05:30

Hide not a thing
that you earned or won.
They don't want what you have,
they want what you want.

Settle not so much
that you do as I say.

Just get through right now

but its best you don't stay.

Think not a thought

that culls the heart.

For only having will resolve

all that it wants.

Keep not a person guessing,
say what you have got.
And while you are at it
start with the bad.

Hold no blows back,
knock a few down.
Didn't they push you
when you had turned around.

Starve not in the absence
of what is now gone.
Gratify with present
all that you can.

Fight not a battle,
to resist the assault.
flee, let a few in,
and build new walls.

Afraid

2011-05-30T02:51:00.001+05:30

Why be afraid of the snow
that scalds the skin
and blinds the eye.

Be afraid of the snow
that freezes the passion
and chars the heart.

Why be afraid of the fall
that bruises the knees
or soils the socks.

Be afraid of the fall
from the heights of euphoria
or from the charms of the new.

Why be afraid of the things

you have in some way

hidden from the world.

Be afraid of the things

that you don't know

about yourself till now.

Why be afraid of the distance

that can be walked

with others or alone.

Be afraid of the distance

that you have walked

already thus far.

Why be afraid of the dark

that you can still

stumble your way through.

Be afraid of the dark

that resides somewhere

deep inside the heart.

Why be afraid of the end

that came for you

a bit too soon.

Be afraid of the end

from where you are

now going to start.

Reconcile

2011-05-29T09:20:00.002+05:30

What my mind knows doesn't match
with all that my heart remembers.
I am trying to reconcile
the Januaries and Novembers.

I am looking at you
but trying to remember your face.
For years of fading and weathering
has cleaned up the slate.

Every days I take a look
and every day things are new.
Are my eyes changing,
or is it you.

A fragrance reminds me of a touch
and a touch reminds me of a flavor.
Churning inside my head are
recollections, reverberations.

Recollections only affirm,
that it isn't. It was.
The fervour is intense
but its a new game after the pause.

Whats logical doesn't converge,
towards what is practical.
Its not about how to act,
but if there is a need to act at all.

But not now.. .

2011-05-20T22:24:00.001+05:30

I was able to see the beauty
in the sadness of your eyes
But now I have lost the appreciation.

I was able to feign interest
in the mundane of things in life
but now I have stopped doing it.

I was able to feel the pride,
in wearing badges the world gave me
but now I have stopped wearing them.

I was able to hold up
the standards I imposed on my self.
But now I couldn't care less.

I was able to reciprocate
the warmth of your heart
but now I can only shrug it off.

I was able to touch
the desire and let go
but now I can hardly get enough.

I was able to agree
yet still hold my ground
but now I squirm at discord.

I was able to be correct

yet care

but now I care not to.

I was able to say
it back with no guilt
but now I have heard enough.

I was able to, but now..

Fight

2011-04-25T09:24:00.000+05:30

Every one has his or her own way of fighting. And some of them have their reasons as well. I fight. I have my reasons too. Whether its an urge within me, something or someone I don't like,something or someone I like too much or just about any thing else, I fight, every day. I don't care if I break my opponent or not. All I care for is to have the opponent react to me. As soon as I am able to trigger its defense mechanism against my self, I feel vindicated. To be recognized as a possible threat is all I chase.

past

2011-04-25T09:21:00.000+05:30

The problem with the pasts is that every one has got one. Past catches up and bites you some times, but mostly it just plays on your mind to wreak havoc. What exactly is the past, its all that we choose to and manage to remember about ourselves.

Hate

2011-02-23T20:15:00.002+05:30

I am trying not to hate,
every day and every night.
Its happened but I wait,
every day and every night.

Only a look in the mirror breaks,
my belief of being him and not me.
My every day and my every night
are his every day and every night.

Is it the end or just a break,

either ways it absolves my plight.

To wake up to the world around me

smelling the roses, seems so right.

Hate cures,

at least whats inside.

To drain a wound,

is what fixes it right.

Happier now, I let it go,

and start to hate,

and let it grow

one wound at a time.

Now when I look in the mirror,

I see a promise of great things,

small things and big things

that are all good things.

Every thing is me now,

seems right and bright.

My every day and my every night

are now just my every day and every night.

Needs

2011-01-14T20:27:00.000+05:30

"Soon enough I am going to want more" he thought. Not need, but want. He was sure he did not any more need things and people, he until not so long ago was was like his life depended on them. And he was right. He has worked hard for getting what he really needed, and then just wanted a little more. And there was no looking back there onwards. It is strange how with time, passion becomes pursuit of a rank, and personality is reduced to just saying the right things all the time. Interests are reduced to checklists and all interactions are turned into routines to leave people thinking about you. All conversations are just a display of the wits. Before you know it the need for approval is replaced by the disdain of validating others and love just becomes notches besides the bed post.

Well he was quite right he was going to want more soon, and just that. For already, he was trying to let go of things, he had wanted once upon a time and was only sticking on with them because he had worked hard to get them in the first place. Things, people, emotions. Amassing had taken priority over appreciating and doing had overshadowed experiencing. And it wasn't all material. Not every thing was about owning, or winning or earning more. It was the addiction to chasing targets consistently that has skewed up the ability to indulge in the present. And that meant he could not look after what ever his life was already filled with.The head would occasionally drop and the shoulders would stoop, not for loosing the loved parts of his life, but at the despair of finding new ideas to chase. And when ever that happened, he would think of the futility of all those notches he had made, but then .. move on.

Noises

2010-11-21T02:02:00.000+05:30

She said a lot, and it hurt him. Not as much as this though. He never had a doubt in his mind that what ever he was being told was not quite true and after a while he stopped persisting for it. but she never stopped persisting on what she was saying was correct. He was curt and suddenly distant. He had a sudden sense of empowerment as he detached himself from his feelings. However there were silent squirms inside him that he gaudily pretended to be unaware of.But he wanted to be right and for that she had to be wrong. The eggshell was intact, and that was the bad news. After a while the voice talking to him just faded away as he was no more receptive to any amount of convincing. She stopped talking and he felt at ease, as if victorious in his belief. Her silence to him sounded like the testimony of his distrust. But just as his detachment was complete and the shell was strengthened beyond any permeation she said something. She said "I am not a liar" as she beautified the world with a few pearls and was gone. The walls that drove her away, went away with her. He collapsed inwards under the noise of those words around him. And he no more wanted to be right.

Mind monsters

2010-11-18T21:31:00.000+05:30

Demons of my mind are out and crawling all over me again. They are strong enough to keep me awake yet not strong enough to make me snap out of my unawareness. I am at my cynical best. I am afraid to think, for I fear I might figure it all out right now. For if this inquisitive bastard is satiated, it would make way for another new monster who I don't even know of yet. This daze is preserving, looking after every one of them and all things good about them. Keeping them the way they are is far from easy, since there is an impressive world around me, around them, and the fallen angels are impressionable. They are ruthless and cruel at times and at other times gullible and pliable. They are like fishes which get startled when you knock too hard on the aquarium glass.
They are also like the gushing flow of a torrid flow of water, always finding it way through come what may. Every time I talk, I have to raise my voice over theirs to be heard. In every conversation I have to painfully weed out their noises to hear what everyone else is saying. But then there are times when I summon them, with my thoughts. I think, so they are.My thoughts, monsters.

Chase

2010-11-11T18:06:00.000+05:30

No chase ever just ends. Its not a endless circle nor is it an infinite road but yet the chasing never ends. It goes on and on, as long as we live. We chase things, we chase ideas, we chase people and we chase dreams. And sometime or the other we have all given up on a chase, burring a dream or just letting go a deep want..We give up. Just that the chase never gives up on us. The goals that we gave up chasing ,start chasing us right back. Give up on a long cherished dream now and try moving on. It will come back in the form of people, events or moments you encounter in your life, to shout right on your face. Or some time the buried dream will just come calling back in your head and have you wishing you hadn't given up when you did..If we are able to reach our goals the chasing gives way to keeping. Can u maintain the passion,can you handle the wear and tear of life.Can you survive real life with the rose tinted glasses of desire off your eyes. now. No chase ever just ends, When the chasing ends, keeping begins.. .

Far back in time

2010-08-05T22:38:00.001+05:30

On hindsight, every solution would have worked
and on hindsight, nothing would have ever gone wrong.

On hindsight, no one one would have had to leave
and on hindsight no one would have gone.

On hindsight, there would have been no misunderstandings
and on hindsight some one would have tried to resolve.

On hindsight, even the obvious would have been said
and on hindsight the harsh word would have been held on.

On hindsight, people would have agreed
and on hindsight, no one would have tried to force.

On hindsight, it would not have been so bad,
and on hindsight it would not have been at all.

On hindsight,some one would have called it off
and on hindsight, the paths would have never crossed.

on hindsight, arguments would have died down with time
and on hindsight conflicts would not have arose.

On hindsight, expectations would not have burdened any one
and on hindsight, promise would not have led to the fall.

On hindsight, the past would not have mattered
and on hindsight there would have been no past.

Yet

2010-07-26T22:55:00.000+05:30

Shiny,
you are mine.
The kind of moments,
that wear out the replay button.

Comfort
is the snugness you bring.

The calm that transcends
words, expressions or actions.

Difference,
your presence makes.
The same feeling all the time
like its always three weeks to Christmas.

Speak
to me,is for me.

Never did the words
matter so much.

Scalding heat,
you warm my heart.
Frigid fingers maybe
but frigid heart no more.

Forever

could it be?

For now
its just you and me.

Inhibitions
you make me lose mine.

Yet
that's exactly what you are.

Playback

2010-07-21T22:22:00.000+05:30

Me and my heart,
have never been so far apart.
Even though the distance is just minutes
and not days or hours.

Neither my face nor voice or words
give my feelings away.
Long after,long long after,
the moments stay.

I stare endlessly,
far but at the wall.
with a hope brewing
that someones got my back.

Extreme emotions and wired reactions,
I am getting pulled in different directions.
There is no reason for me to pause
or to get rid of my thoughts.

I hear it echo endlessly in my head,
far too much longer than I would want.
stuck up yet stuck up.
I speak, but I cant.

Holding a few,
well just really trying.
yet no remorse, when i cant,
as they rush past me flying.

Whats distance, whats time
when it all plays out perfectly in my mind.
I am the one on the hook,
and I am the one holding the reeling line.

Red

2010-05-30T07:35:00.000+05:30

Red has always been the color of love, seduction and danger. But for him red had only been the color of her nails. Its been almost an year of him traveling on that train, which incidentally was red too. He had seen her, well her fingers really, most days of the week every morning for about the same time. Her nails, were always painted immaculately in the the shiniest of red and both the color and her fingers did justice to each other. For months he had noticed the reds rise,to adjust vents of the AC duct right above her seat, or running through her hair, or when she just stretched after a long time sitting in those faded train seats. And each time the same reaction. as he looked at them intently and with appreciation. He was never obsessed with nails, nor did he have any freakish fetish for them. He lived his life, plain simple and mostly in shades of light brown and pale blue. Those reds where his daily dose of color and a symbol of the frolic that life is supposed to be, of being confident and in love with one self. By the time this became a part of his daily routine, he had thought of and dismissed the idea of walking over to see how she looked about a 100 times in his head, He no more cared to see how she looked. When he got on the train , she would already be at her seat.that day was no different. She had been animated like always , but he felt a little different though he could not say why. That night he stayed awake in his bed trying to figure out what was different that morning, when it finally stuck him. That glittering platinum band around her ring finger. Oh yeah he exclaimed as he figured out what was different today. His liking for the reds was unchanged the next day too. A few weeks later she stopped coming on that train and a few years later he woke up in his bed with some lady he had met at a singles club last night.
It was a Monday and he needed to get to his train, yeah the red train he had still been taking for all those year. As he moved her hand off from over him he noticed the hands, and then the fingers,and the nails. Red,shining, but a little jaded. And the untanned skim on the finger where it seems , used to be a ring not too long ago clearly visible on the ring finger.He hurried of to work, but he never took the train after that day.

Whiff of the past

2010-05-14T00:07:00.000+05:30

The Strange thing about this airport was that every time he walked into it, the lefts and the rights seem to have flipped over from last time. And depending on different times in his life, he was some times going home and some times going away through that airport. His mind would be dulled to a point where he could not care less.Today was no different. Last time he left this city, that he so dearly loved, he knew he would never be able to come back here. That day he had walked through those security check gates, impermeable as they were, with a conscious feeling of what he was leaving behind. Questions like will he be able to come back and claim whats his, will he even be able to come back and what he is leaving behind would still be there, danced in his head. As he walked away , forcefully breaking her embrace, he felt the need to look back at every step.But he didn't. The massive structure of the airport was filled with her fragrance for him and he walked into those gates

Years had passed since then, and he had buried the hope some where in his heart, as he toiled hard with life. Time had helped settle things but like they say, life gives you chances when you least expect, and it doesn't take too much to rekindle a long lost obsession. He got a chance to leave his home, and well, come home after years.He toiled even harder once here, but it was like he always knew what the end result was going to be. He just wanted to deal with that feeling of not having tried. He didn't know for how long she had waited, and if at all, if she was still in the city or some where else. But one thing he knew for sure was that no one was going to be left behind today as he walked across the long empty corridors towards the gates out side which he had left her last time around.The air once again smelled of her hair. Last time around he wanted to come back to her, but this time around he wanted to come back for her even more

Whiff

2010-04-19T23:48:00.003+05:30

I need you wrapped around me
with your nails healing my back.
Your breath making me gasp
and your teeth nurturing my chest.

Limbs defused together
as if trying to become one.
Yet bodies pushed apart,
like opposite poles of a magnet.

Your hand to run through my hair
and gentle tugs to turn unsympathetic.
My hands to try and hold on to you
much more than they can.

For us not to care no more
if the embrace suffocates
or the pleasure enthralls
as it turns to pain.

I want the predation to begin soon
be it dark or bright, cold or warm.
I want you to go on
and deliver me the harm.

The palms clasped to each other's body
and inhibitions a thing of the past.
A whiff of me and a whiff of you,
and a room full of love.

For the touch of lips to linger on,
long enough to enthrall.
And the hands to get rough and quick
yet make the time stall.

You pull me on towards you
and pull me deep within.
The bodies to move in unison
as you soak me up through your skin.

I want your smile,
to be the smile of tyrants
as you take the power
and me.

I want all my senses
to elude me
as you start to feel
for me.

I want the crescendo
to be shrill and high.
For it to end with a cry
and a dash of blood on your lips.

I want you wrapped around me
even if it kills.

Tragedies

2010-04-18T08:20:00.007+05:30

I have realized that I am a sucker for Tragedies, the good old fashioned ones. The piercing little low moments in life are what I feed on. I am a Tragedy junkie.

Tragedy is such a sugar coated bitter pill which might as well be a bitter coated sugar pill. Tragedy is not only in separation or failure or losing out in a close race. It’s also in staying together with a fear of separation, coming on top with a fear of being bettered and keeping the lead but worrying about being overtaken.
The abysmal ebb might not be a place that I would be able to rise from often, but I rise from the troughs occurring in plenty day in and day out. While I do not in any way self inflict myself with misery of any sort, I do get uncomfortable when all stays well for too long in my la-la land. And that's when I need something or someone to jolt things up a bit. More then a bit actually. A bitter relationship, a failed project, taxing time at work, a terribly lonely phase, bad health or just a promising stranger not living up to it. Any such nice little tragedies. The exponentially high number of times that the life pleasantly surprises me, makes me thing that I only really start to expect, just to be short changed. And I pull it of with comfort as if it’s a well rehearsed act. Being surprised and pleased, even when I know nothing ordinarily good ever gets thrown at me along the flow of life. And being shaken, even when I can already smell the extreme pleasure I will derive from getting out of this one back to normal. Recovering has become my favorite pass time since long and I never seem to get enough of it.

Love to agree

2010-04-06T17:14:00.002+05:30

We always love the ones who agree with us,
but we don't always agree with the ones who love us.

Circle

2010-01-03T17:16:00.007+05:30

The Roads look familiar, but its a dismal distant memory from far back in time . There is a park and in the park is a bench. There is a blind man sitting on that bench and he is smiling. The guy with a slightly crocked upper lip is walking on the street dragging his feet. His feet are a light shade of pink, visible through his worn out slippers. His face on the other hand is pale. Sun is out, shining brightly on a cold winter afternoon . Pink yet pale. Sunny yet cold. The lull around the area is like the deepest hour of sleep, right before one wakes up, and the change in his pocket is making a sweet noise. Silent yet melodious. The lady on the balcony has a curious, almost dumbstruck gaze on on her face. Dragging his feet he walks to the corner and turns, only to come across a girl walking towards him. She has the coy look of affection in her eyes. He braves out a smile, but his face saddens even more. The color returning to his face quickly turns back, as he walks on. smiling yet saddened. He is walking into the sun now, and the walk feels a little uphill. But the steeper it is getting , more interested he is in walking on. The sun in his eyes is blinding, but he exactly knows where he is heading. Blinded yet sure. He takes another turn and walks into the warm cozy shadows of large buildings, blocking the cold wind and the blinding sun, but letting through the afternoon warmth. Out there yet shielded. Worn out slippers, pink feet, pale face. As he starts to get tired, he stops for a moment, but the feeling of déjà vu is getting stronger in his head and he wants to find out why the roads seem familiar. He looks back, for a long time, but walks on. He takes another turn and walks a while, feeling sad or happy or excited on the way. A little further there is a park and in the park is a bench. There is a blind man sitting on that bench, and he is smiling.

Celebrations

2009-12-29T19:43:00.007+05:30

Its a time when every one in the world is celebrating, dressed in their finest and resplendent with joy. They are playing his song for the first time today, his words, so powerful that the existence of music ceases to matter. And lovers dance, moving as one, to an overwhelming feeling. Weather some one came out on a first date, a casual encounter or to celebrate with their love, every one is soaked in the intense feeling that burns them with a vague yet acute desire for their partner. His cries of pain are fading away into the same music playing somewhere far away. There is a song in his heart, and you can hear it. Not by the sound of the music, but by the feeble , yet effort-full movement of his lips. Now there is a song on his lips.

As music starts, a man, gently holding on to the hand of his lady, leads her to the dance floor. With their dancing, but more so with the emotion brought forth by the words of his songs, the man and the women start becoming one. The hand that till now was only gently brushing over her delicate shoulders, now smears over her arm as if trying to get inside her skin. Her eyes that were till now dancing around and expressing joy are now staring right into his. The power of the music, the song, the words had brought the flamboyance out of all the lovers present in the hall.
Lying on his hard bed,he twitches his feet ever so slightly, as if checking to see if he still has some life left in his body. Its a dimly lit room, dulled by time, devoid of color, let alone any details.
His pale yellow face and his bloodshot eyes barely noticeable.
The red neon light darts across the floor, giving the golden yellow confetti an enthralling glaze in the back drop of a purposefully dimly lit ballroom. The songs continue to hold the couples on the floor and the breaths are getting heavier by the second. Inhibitions have taken away egos with them.
While some where else, the breaths are getting slower and slower. The medication has not taken away the disease, but only the pain, and with it the will to live. But not the will to create songs. The same twitch of the feet, well nearly. And nothing after that.

And as the crowd shouts for an encore , of his songs that were being played, a star is born.
And a Star who could never be has breathed his last.

Coffee

2009-12-10T22:27:00.013+05:30

There is a whole world inside the coffee shop, but outside there is none.Sitting
in a coffee shop,I see the life in all its forms confined into that small yet rich place.
People don't just buy coffee for coffee. Some people buy coffee for their love for

coffee,some buy coffee for their love. Some others buy coffee, just because they
can afford to.

"More coffee??" the waiter smiles.. "yes please!!!", and he is off to fetch more.

There is a couple ordering more coffee, just to buy more time with each other.
There is another, hoping by the time they are done with theirs, things between
them would be all right. The bookworm wants people to know that she only cares
about her coffee and the book , yet all she cares about is who all are watching her.
The three people at the corner are all wide eyed, trying to appear interested in
their conversation, while really there are just judging each other, making mental notes.
Suited man with a calculator and a bunch of papers is trying to rape the scared woman's
fear of her future and sell her an investment plan. The women is drinking coffee to calm
her self, and the man, to calm the women. The college kids are reveling in the intoxicating
thrill of being " mocha" and "hazelnut" aware. More cups arrive. Afternoon revelers settle
in on their table to have some, just because of the lack of any other thing to do.
The guy at the counter sells coffee to be able to go to college. The group of youngsters
in the smoking section go to college to visit coffee shops.

The heady fragrance in the air isn't all beans, its a brew of emotions each one coming
in contact with the coffee is carrying deep within. There are very many fancy names
and fancy cups. But each caries in it the essence steaming from the mere existence
of things. For it to be coffee, it would need a precarious, balance of bitter and sweet.
For it to be life, it would need coffee in it. There is a whole world inside the coffee s
hop, while out there , there is none.

No Greys

2009-11-21T23:52:00.003+05:30

There is more to life than broken hearts.
Young boys skin their knees, playing in the parks.
There is more to every one that what meets the eye.
Who hasn't wished, he had a cape and could fly.

There are many things one can never be.
We imagine ourselves in the grandiose we see.
Not knowing brings curiosity, knowing brings despair.
Secrets reveled, cause damage beyond repair.

Toughest of things take care of themselves.
Giving up is easy, yet hard as hell.
Understanding loved ones can be a challenge at times.
Strangers forever can have the happiest of lives.

Conversations very often don't impact the mind.
A silent moment can set things right.
All modern luxuries mean so much to me and you.
Pills save lives but kill babies too.

Yes it would be great if you had a little more.
But a cheap razor solves problems as well as a twelve bore.

Living like a Tug boat...

2009-09-13T10:21:00.009+05:30

Tug boat, haven't we all seen one or used one or been one at some point of time in our lives. They are such an amazing things, with a fabulously ordinary story. Even the mightiest of ships, cargo , cruise liners etc need one, without fail. A large ship might be able to fight its way through the stormiest of weather, the tallest of waves and speed through the deepest points in the ocean, but it still needs some thing that can pull it across through the shallow waters and lead it out into the sea. Tug boats do that. Tirelessly. They don't belong to the deep sea, out there , they are no better then a floating barrel or the wooden logs of a shipwreck. They have a space from which they are indispensable, and where they help kick of great journeys.
Sure its the ship that braves the current, that fights the ocean's hungry jaws and comes out victorious. But don't forget who helps it get their. Tug boats rarely find mention in the tales of the glorious voyages a vessel has been to. Do all ships face the storm, do all ships get caught in the waves, no not all of them. In fact more often then not deep waters are smooth sailing for those big vessels with their giant, dirt free, scratch free propellers and their glistening bodies. And on the other hand, no journey starts or ends without the ship having to face the shallow slitted, slugged waters. Just because the ship overcame bigger obstacle on its own, the contribution of a boat can not be belittled.

Don't we all see that happening in our lives every day??

We have all been tugged in our lives , pushed or nudged around, maneuvered and turned around till we are ale to get up and get going on our own . We have all helped some one kick start their lives, that lead to big things. We have all at some point, soiled our selves with the sludge and slit of shallow waters, to make the other person go out and face the waves. The fact that you weren't around or not able to pull that person out of his troubled waters counts more then the fact that you gave him or her a chance to cross the seas. Some tug boats go on to be ships themselves, unaware of those little contributions people are making around them, but angry about the little things that they did to people that went unnoticed. Stop, if u are tired being some ones tug boat. Be your on ship and your own voyage.

Scars

2009-08-09T18:17:00.006+05:30

I feel blessed to have them,
and I wear my scars with pride.

E stare,as I walk around with them,
enjoying my moment of lime light.

Everyday struggles keep them fresh,
and I relieve my self as I bleed through them.

I remember the moments when I got each of these,
in both victory and defeat alike.

Each moment when I love or fight or live or die,
my scars are my strength , my aide.

Me. .

2009-08-09T16:25:00.004+05:30

Frozen by the heat
made fluid by the cold in the hearts
Livid in spiritless world
Amok in dead calms

Artless in inspiration
Matchless in aspirations
Scathed by applause
tickled by claws

Cherishing the alcove
repulsed by company
Disheartened at the apex
but spirited after a fall

Praised for the Ordinary
ridiculed for bringing a dawn
Dull at the beginnings
ending with an aplomb

Getting bored of people
but intrigued by the world
Sure of my indecision
and eager as hell to perform

Rooted in the shine
of a cluttered mind
Blinded by the aesthetics
of a clear heart

Consecrating the demons
and crucifying mild souls
stepping on flowerbeds
while grooming the thorns

Overlooking perfections
while seeking flaws
trying not to be
while being it all

Me.
my biggest mystery so far...

I love you and you and you. ..

2009-08-02T11:41:00.002+05:30

Do I need to say more?

Run

2009-06-27T20:53:00.005+05:30

I have had a life far too ordinary to write about. And right now, when I look at it, in my current state of mind it feels far too uneventful to talk about as well.Its as if I have derived pleasure from taking my life to a certain high and then letting go, never bothering to just kick a little to jump over the wall and on to the other side. I am not at all at any thing and every thing I take up, but what I am really good at is squandering away the early advantage . Another trend that i have noticed lately about my modus operandi on life is that the closer I get to cracking something big, or latching on to something good, the more content and relaxed I become.Rather more disinterested.. And when the time requires one to stay low and sail with the winds, that's when I get restless and flutter the most. The end result is that I am not able to break ahead of the pack... despite burning much more rubber then any one else. Not all potentials are realized, some not timely others never at all. Its like i am not sure what describes be best, world class runner chained to a heavy load or a non-athlete on power boosters.. I guess I am just a crippled child waiting for my Jenny to come in my life and say to me .. "Run Forrest, Run"."

Late or in time..

2009-06-07T20:36:00.005+05:30

As his official car dropped him on the highway close to his destination , he could see some people, and instinctively knew they were waiting for him. As he rode with them to the house, the mood of the occasion was shared by every one with minimal words. With so much that she had told him, he could have made his way to the place all by himself based on her descriptions. Out at the door, there was a frenzy of activity. There was a crowd in the house. Despite never having met them , he could recognize all her uncles and aunts and cousins. She had told him so much about every thing and every one. There were flowers and there was the priest, clearly all arrangements have long been made and it was only he who was awaited. He was still in his military fatigues. As he was ushered into the room, he caught a first sight of her. She was still looking radiant and lovely despite it been such a long time. He was posted at a distant place and so he could not be there any sooner. He inched closer to her, fearing the worst, but he had braced himself for this on his 12 hour journey and managed to contain himself. The last rites were completed without too much being said. And he walked back to the same highway he came from. Still in his fatigues and caring his sack. Some times the Soldier comes back home from war, but there is no one waiting for him.

Back

2009-04-25T22:37:00.004+05:30

Going back !! its the toughest walk home.Every single time.
There is going to be another week and another weekend,
yet the disappointment is too hard to keep off. As much as
he wants their time together to not end, he also longs for those
good byes to be quick and short.He becomes curt, and edgy.
He skimmers in and out of a good bye hug as if its scalding his
skin. There is a sudden haste with which he brings the on going
conversations to an abrupt end. And skittles out.He is altogether
a different man when leaving. The moment he had gone a little
distance, he is plunged into this guilt of being almost rude.
And soon enough the barrage of unsaid things fills up the mind.
The farther he gets, easier it gets for him to see all that is wrong
in the world around him. Or just so it starts to seem. Agitated and
irritated he grows more and more tired by the minute. His mind
cant think of any place he'd rather be at this moment.
Going back !! it really is the toughest walk home.

move on ..

2009-04-12T22:44:00.002+05:30

When eyes meet,
and words are still needed.
When the touch thrills,
but only momentarily.
When questions need to be asked,
as much as they need to be answered.
When the hands touch while walking,
and are pulled back.
When the pleasantries are exchanged,
while thinking of more to say.
When waking up at night,
is awaited yet troubling.
When there is a need to explain,
and explanations are sought.
when gifts start to gather dust,
just like the memories.
When judgements are made
and held firm.
While trust that ought not to be,
is allowed to go weak.
When an embrace weakens,
both knees and resolve.
When an hour in the sun,
is too much effort for a day together.
When the love is gone,
move on ..

All churned up

2009-03-14T08:08:00.005+05:30

I feel groggy to the bone, having been disturbed in my sleep at 2:00 am, and now being sleep deprived and awake for close to 13 hours. I turn on my desktop, thinking I would spend some time surfing. Just as the first web page is loading up, I think of watching a movie I have on my laptop, I power up my laptop and as it whirrs and winds to life, I drift away to the TV room and sprawl my self like a weed on the couch. I reach for the news paper and with it i also grab the TV remote. I make my way to the editorial page and zero in on the article I wish to read, about 3 quarters of the first paragraph later , I turn on the TV and go to channel one. I start my epical journey towards the end of the channel stream , but since the last channels leads you back to the first one, the journey is in constant loop back. About two and a half revolutions later , I hear my cellphone beep. I get up in a frenzy and start looking for it. I find it next to the financial savings forms I was filling up, I had already put my name in three places on it. I check my phone, there was nothing on it, and it was in silent mode. I turn off the silent mode, and start playing tennis game on my cellphone. I pause for a quick moment to find that movie on my laptop and play it. Lying down on my bed facing the laptop screen I continue with the game on my cell phone. I am reminded of this bag of chips I brought last evening and dash off to look for it, i pour my self a glass of juice, but then i realises i really carved a lemon soda, so i top up my glass with some fizz, and land on the drawing room couch. Trying to work on my pending finalcial forms i drifted to sleep. I just woke up, the fan air has scattred my forms all over the room, and i have made a mess of the newspaper by sleeping over it. My cell phone shows 3 missed calls and 2 new messages. My juice lemon soda is almost curdling up now and the movie has ended on my laptop.
And with it has ended a hectic sunday.

Oiled up

2009-03-05T21:48:00.008+05:30

Okie so I do this, time and again, out of my free will. Well actually I like to do this and feel great while I am at it. I haven't seen no one else do this. While a lot of them sneer freakishly at the mere thought of it, I am still a little boastful of it, and love basking in all its glory and shine (literally) . Despite the public opinion stating it to be "not the done thing". I revel in it. So what if it would be an uncool thing, even for someone whose standards of coolness have over the years stooped as low as mine. I oil my hair to work. and love every moment. You heard it. Every ones in a while, when i am either too worried of an impending baldage or of the intense mental work at the job giving me a senile decay much before I'd want it. Other times its because of some pearly grays in my quarter of a century old head and some other times its just because i don't care any more. No I am no geek, but i am not the one to loose my sleep worrying over always doing the in thing.
Its my way of liberation my self from the strictly defined norms of dos and dont's. My own protest to what ever i dont agree with. Because i firmly believe its not the Geeks,meeks, beautiful or the beastly.. but the slick who shall inherit the earth.

Who lost what?

2009-03-05T21:35:00.006+05:30

She was pretty, in a conventional way, and attractive too. It
wouldn't have taken much for any one to like her as a friend,
or even fall for her. She has never had a boy friend in her 24
years of existence, but she never worried too much about it.
She has had crushes, and massively strong ones. But all her
crushes have been either Hollywood film stars or cricketers.
She was out going, literally "out every week" person. And
she took her company bus at 7 :30 every morning to work.
Her bus used to stop to pick up some colleagues, a couple of
blocks down the road where he used to stand, waiting for his
company bus to pick him up. She could not remember when
was the first time she saw him, and when did she consciously
noticed him. The first thing she noticed was not his daily
presence, but his conspicuous absence at the bus stop.
For a week , she looked out the window, long before the bus
had reached the place where he used to wait, and for a week
she felt a tinge of disappointment at not seeing him there.
Then as he reappeared after a week, apparently back from a
vacation, she was visibly happy through out the day at work.
She began noticing him closely, and as girls do , began critically
and minutely analyzing every thing about him.
"So he preferred dressing up formally, even
though his office dress code is denim friendly.
And his fingers were like that of an artist.
He carried his lunch from home only
occasionally.He does look better in
those formals then any thing else.
Ahan ... so that's what his name is.
I too love that book he is reading.".
She had resigned to the fact that this was her biggest crush
ever and her first real life one. She had started to wonder is he
has even seen her gape at him. She like to believe that he has,
since like her, he to would have been trying to look but not
make it obvious. The on summer morning when the sun was
beginning to burn from early morning itself. her bus stopped,
he looked at her and raised a hand and smiled. She smiled
back,almost a few seconds later she realized that she was
actually grinning, and as the bus started to move again , she
remembered to wave back .
Oh that day was something else, she worked , despite being
all rosy eyed, better then ever. and she just could not sleep
that night. It was a Wednesday next day , she looked out the
window as the bus moved on. She was scared she might be
ready to leap out the window if she saw him smile at her
like yesterday .But he wasn't there. nor was he there the
next two days. He wasn't there the next week or the week
after. She never saw him again. She lost, what could have
been hers, forever.

He had been seeing her sitting in her bus for a more than
three months now. Her ordinary beauty was extremely
attractive to him . He wondered if she ever noticed him.
As discreetly as possible , he looked at her. For long,
his favorite part of the day had been standing there,
waiting for the bus, her bus to come by. And he sure hoped
for bigger things for the two of them, but how? Then one
Monday he tried to actually do something to break the ice,
but he was too nervous and dumbstruck to actually turn his
head and look at her, he knew she was there but he was too
scared. He prepared himself all day and then finally on Tuesday
he waved to her and smiled, His smile and wave were instantly
acknowledged and warmly returned, and something told him it
was just a start of better thing to come.That day in the office he
knew he wanted to be with her. The same day he was one of
the few hundred employees fired by his company, as a reactive
step to the prevailing recession.

The good , the bad and the reality

2009-01-26T22:18:00.004+05:30

What do bad people do..
They harm others at every opportunity they get..

And what do good people do ..
The convince others that they are not going to harm them. .
and when the other people are reassured,thats when they harm them

What would you say . .

2009-01-08T04:18:00.013+05:30

What would you say .. tell me .. really ..

You have just finished working , by going out of your way to
help out some one,who never really asked for it, but then
both you and him knew he couldn't make it through without
your help.. Now that its done, he comes and tells you, " its good
that you were there to help out, but i would have managed on
my own as well,thanks none the less."
What would you say ..

You are lying in bed after passionate love making with a girl
you barely know,It was meaning less both for her and for you,
yet you feel complete in the situation. As she laid there with
her head on your shoulder, holding you tight as if trying to
make sure you are actually there with her, she asks you,
"This is so beautiful ,despite the complete lack of meaning to it,
but you know i am an escort by profession , What would you do
if i got a call right now and have to leave.."
What would you say ...

Your loved ones call you often, and you like to hear from them
frequently.But minutes into the conversation , you start missing
them more then you ever do when they are not around , or when
you are not talking to them. You stiffen up, because you don't
want to worry them by telling them how lonely you are,
but the more you talk the worse it would get. You act agitatedly,
are curt and quite, when some one says .."its such an effort for
you to even talk to us, looks like you don't miss us".
What would you say . .

You have been gone for a while, and all this while both you and
your beloved have cherished the thought of a sweet reunion.
She has been counting days, several times a day.And you have
been dragging along one day at a time ,only for the day you would
be back. There is so much the two of you had planned to do once
you are back, and so much that you wish to do for her. But its been a
while that you talked about all this, and the closer it gets the slower
it seems to be going. And then she says " I am not really all that high
spirited about you coming back now.. I guess i am getting used to you
being away".
What would you say. ..

Its cold , well actually it is cold out there.You are walking through
the streets,facing the chill and the wind. You cant feel your face
and your limbs are turning numb. The thoughts of a warm house
drive you to walk through. Its cold. The dollar is falling and the jobs
aren't secured. You stood in front of that shiny thing you have wanted
for ever but ultimately denied it to yourself, since it was an avoidable
expense. You need those pennies.As you continue to walk through the
spine freezing cold, you hear a man of the street say to you..
" its good you have a home to go to on this cold night, i am gonna have
to stay out. Would you have some change for coffee my good sir. . "
What would you say. .

Minsicule existance

2008-12-16T00:46:00.009+05:30

The world doesn't revolve around you. .
And the sooner you get to terms with this reality and

begin to accept it as a fact of life, the better. Get over the
feeling that you are being judged , or reverend every

passing moment. Do away with the thoughts that you are

being watched or being consciously ignored all the time.

Continue running

2008-11-18T01:39:00.003+05:30

Some times I feel like shutting my self off from the world.
I find the world too crowded, and find too many people
existing without a purpose or a role to play in the world.
I see things happening and I hear words being said but
don't see why...
I hear people say things and then act radically opposite
to it, I see people do things and endorse views in stark
contrast of their actions.I see people filling their lives up
with luxuries before they have full filed the necessities.
There is a race on , no body knows to where but every one
is running.. because every one else is running too.

We are all fighting, fighting our luck , fighting our urges and
desires, fighting with friends, fighting with the love in our
hears and with the love that could not be in others hearts,
fighting with plentiful and with scarcity, fighting things that
happen the way we want and fighting things that don't. We
are fighting opportunities lost, and chances missed. we are
fighting the remorse of impulsive steps gone wrong and the
timidness that stops us from trying to fix things.

So what if you haven't done some things that every one around
you has. Maybe they all did it , not because they wanted to , but
because they were driven by what they saw around them.

I wasn't running at first, but now I am. I don't remember
how it started and how long it would last, but the race is on
for sure. I don't want to fight the things happening in my life.
I don't want to work for things , proclaimed to be "essentials".
I want to pursue the " me". I wanna exist for a propose and
work for a goal. every one wants that and is doing the same.
Its just that i want the purpose and the goal to be my own.
I slow down, but feet are in too much momentum.I clinch my fist,
ready to stop in my track.I prepare my self for the jolt, and brace
my self for getting trampled by those running behind me.
I gather all my strength and ... continue running .

Words

2008-10-17T08:32:00.008+05:30

I value people's words, because I value mine.I wont usually
say things that I don't really mean or follow by. But alas, not
every one is like that. People shoot from the lips, and are more
often then not wayward with their aims. Casual speakers, thats
what i call them. Trust me , there are way too many of them to
ever go around without bumping into one of them.
"I'll do it no matter what it takes", " I am never going back to it" ,
" I am sure ", " I am done with it for good" , " I really mean it ".
I hear these words and I cant help but say .. "bah !!!, humbug"

So how do you handle the casual speakers.. .. What do you do if
you don't want to volunteer to support their hobby of saying things.
They, though don't attach to much value to what they say, are
extremely found of speaking. Listen to them closely, and soon
enough you would hear then say two contrastingly opposite things.
On such moments, breath deep, relax and pretend that you heard.
You can only learn to deal with them by experiences, typically foul ones..

let go

2008-09-30T21:28:00.008+05:30

Chewing gum wrappers,
metro tokens,
movie tickets,
bits of hand written paper,
a thread from a dress,
a strand of hair,
a stained coffee holder
a pen,
pictures in my laptop,
some acquired habits,
smart dial numbers,
current email password,
carefully preserved letter pad,
a stolen coin,
boarding pass,
the dam handkerchief,
cuttings from the newspaper,
a blue shirt ,
and a hulk green t shirt,
an excel sheet.
a scar on my neck.
I shed a tear as I let it all go,
for now, and for ever.

Life is good

2008-09-29T06:59:00.008+05:30

He sat still, almost life less. He was teary eyed and his
mind was devoid of any thoughts.He could feel his heart
burn, and his vision was blurry.So drained out was he,
that his attempts to move, or get up were going in vain.
clearly he hadn't taken very nicely to whatever transpired
in the last 48 hours.It was a marathon, that he was running.
And right now,he wasn't aware weather he had finished it,
let alone finishing first, or just dropped out of it.

He had no contact with the world these past hours,it was
just him and his struggles.He could feel himself falling into a
sleep,off which he might not wake up.His blood had curdled
so thick, that his heart wasn't able to pump any of it through
to his brains.And thus the absence of conscious thoughts.

He tried to get up , but his back gave way and he collapsed
on his cushy leather sofa once again.He stretched and rolled
over on the sofa and dozed off, only to wake up the next morning.
Being a Monday , it was time to go to the office.Fresh after about
13 hours of sleep, he marveled at the days he spent over the weekend.

Two days of eating pizza and other leftover,sleeping and
watching 11 movies and endless episodes of moronic Simpson's.
No outings,no annoying visits from friends and no phone calls.

Okie, so all this staring at the screen left him teary eyed,all that
pizza gave him an acidic heartburn,and drinking too little water
left his blood thick.Spending too much , almost all the time lying
down, left his back unfamiliar with the feeling of supporting his
body's weight.

But didn't he clean up all nice and fine on the Monday morning,
"bring on another week" he said to himself.
Life was well and truly good .

Thats also a way

2008-09-19T07:12:00.003+05:30

"Why the hell are you doing this to me. . " a voice shouted inside his head as he felt a vein
on the his left temple swell. " Wipe that look of achievement off your face, you are saying two totally incoherent things that make no sense together".

Realistically he just wanted to express his concerns our the way this conversation was going,
he had felt pushed against the wall ever so often in the past few days,not by his inability or ineptness, but by sheer lack of depth of understanding and an absence of well directed thoughts,
displayed by the other person.
Y know what , I might have been totally wrong in my preconceptions about you, while its all nice
speaking about things that you do speak about , you really have know idea which way things are going."
"I really don't think you can ever get out of the habit of being struck in trivialities , or
grow up enough to owe up what you don't know"
Clearly he had out lived his patience, and more then being irked , be was bored by airy headed,
highly patterned and repetitive behavior. Whether the behavior was triggered by any emotional distress or was a personality trait he was now starting to observe , he didn't know.
" No way , this isn't gonna work the way you see it!!!, you only need some one who agrees to it, and that too at your convenience" he felt his vein is going to burst, leaving him hemorrhaged.

He looked up and said "Okie", five minutes later he had forgotten he ever had such a conversation and was getting along normally.

Far less worse

2008-09-16T20:06:00.005+05:30

Superior mortal or lesser God, thats the choice I have to make .
and I am weighting my options closely.

My Bucket List

2008-08-25T11:02:00.015+05:30

On a lazy, and i mean really really lazy Sunday afternoon , I realized my T-shirt
was far too dirty to wipe my food smeared hands on , and decided to do a quick
wash up . Rugged haired, and sleepy eyed, wearing curry smeared T shirt and
an year and a half old shorts, I found my self too irresistible to not to indulge in
a bit of self vanity in the mirror. But horror off horror, I spotted a Grey hair, and
that to not on my head.And before some of you start running your thoughts in any
wrong directions , let me add that the Grey hair was in my beard, just to the right
side of my upper lip.
I would not have been too bothered on spotting a half baked hair on my head,
for that i can easily pass on as a sign of some one whose job involves a lot of thinking
and brain racking work.I do not in any way however endorse the fact that I.T professionals
are intellectual people.
But a Grey in my beard was clearly a sign of life leading down hill from here on.So the roll
of toilet paper is more then half used up. That calls for some rethinking, re-planning and re-estimation.. yeah you cant leave these out even in your day to day life.
What with so so many things left to do in life and with the growing speed at which we have started living our lives, there is so very little time left ahead.
The sudden realization that i have reached , or at least neared the summit and it will be all down hill from "hair" pressed me to come up with my own Bucket list.
A bucket list at the fag end of the life may include , from a large set, only a few thing that you want to do before you reach your expiry date. But at my age, a bucket list would include not only the must haves but the good to haves and the may of may not haves.
And again , more time to do things means , more time to procrastinate and keep pushing things for later, a dream come true... isn't it.
So here goes in no particular order. .

Do a stage performance,and not end up sucking at it .
Get over my fear of ridding bikes(Yeah ,right , i don't ride bikes.. so what .. )
Date at least one girl each from each of the continents(give and take Antarctica).
Survive a major accident( since an Accident is written in my palm lines, I'd rather hope to survive it ) .
Gamble big money(winning isn't important,so this would probably be the last one i try to fulfill).
Learn to swim.
Write a book , inspired by my own life.
Visit Manali .(give it up, there are no girls or money involved here, I just wanna go).
Top 150kmph on a highway(Just making sure the task of surviving an accident doesn't have to wait for too long).
End up with a feeling that my raise is too high after an appraisal round.
Save enough in a month's salary to think of investments ( its either this one or the 5 continents one, not both for sure).
Bitch slap some one ( any one , really any one) .
Be hit upon, by a hottie in a club.
And then turning her down( not because I swing the other way , for a proof see see the rest of the list) .
Be the authority on some issue (even if its about what brand of toilet paper to buy).
Grow a beard for some time ( and maybe dye it up ;) )
Dude it up ( I don't know what it means, it just sounds cool).
Be on TV ( would like that to be for the launch of my book, or wining on that big gamble , and definitely not because of the accident).
Ask a manager technology to debug my code ( and see him fail .. he he ).
Be involved in a brawl ( fist fight to be exact) and come out on top .
Work up some serious muscles ( helps survive mishaps, beat up people, look good on TV, pick up girls .. this is a must haves).
Have a protege.
Give drinking and smoking a shot( just in case the accident doesn't kill me , or the 5 continents thing doesn't work out).
Vote (don't you need a voters Id for that.. I am not closed on it being in India for sure).
Laugh ( at people,look out for the list of names in my book ).
(censored, for your safety).
Get a barbwire tattoo on my arm. ( or whatever is in vogue 20 years hence).
(censored, for my safety).
Be stalked by a lady.
Go back to school to study literature ( or to make interesting chapters for the book).
Attend my school/college reunions ( juts that).
Euro Trip ( must haves .. hmmmmm).
Wear Versace ( and not look gay).
Have great hair once again.
and continuing......

How I plan to do all this amid the usual hustle bustle, is another story.

King !!!

2008-08-07T07:00:00.005+05:30

He really felt like the king,Walking on the star studded path,
with the wind blowing into his face.He had 180 Dollars in his pocket and
a smile on his face. He smarted at his reflection in one of the building glasses,
passer by`s nodded at him with a warm acknowledgment as there shoulders
rubbed while passing each other.
Oh the life was good, the spring in the steps was obvious and walking through
the crowd seemed effortless, even with a load on his back.
With a satisfying day of work behind him , and a promising weekend ahead,
he was all but stressed.There was something about this breeze today,it made
him feel rested and energized. Nothing seemed wrong in the world today, nor
in his life.The day in the city was coming to an end. It was bustling with energy
without being in a rush.The natural flow of things and the thousands of footsteps
was captivating.
Clearly, any other day , walking such a long distance would have been
discomforting, but not today. A quick glance at his watch told him it was only 6
and he had another hour before he needs to be where he is heading. And he isn't
too far from that place. He could feel that energy churning inside him, he took
a detour, so he could walk more. He stooped under a bridge to admire the
impending sunset, which was a few hours away ,yet so there.
He watched kids playing in water, we watched a group of young girls starting of
there week end revelries with ice cream.He watched a street side man counting
up the change he had got through the day, and he watched a young couple kiss
good byes out side the station.
He just couldn't wait any longer and headed for the coffee shop he was to go to ,
he reached there when it was only 6.20 and he was to meet some where there
no sooner then 7.As he pushed through the door, the cold air conditioned air woke
him up of his warm trance.He let go of the door in a jerk and as the door slammed shut,
a pair of blue eyes turned towards him.
She was already there, and by the two empty coffee cups lying in front of her ,
looked like she was there for quite a while.So he wasn't the only one having a
heart warming day today.
He moved over and sat besides her, making so effort at concealing his smile while
trying hard not to get immersed in hers.
As he was about to take the chair opposite to hers on the table, she took his hand
and guided him to the chair next to her and they started talking.
That evening the sun never went down for either of them.

Where is the need for love

2008-08-02T18:49:00.006+05:30

They sat facing each other, thinking what to talk about. He never thought he would be meeting some one for the first time,in such a situation. His romance with CCD and barista went back to his college days. He was a sucker for cafes and loved hanging around in them.

He looked at her tall slender glass of ice tea; he liked her already, for she wasn’t like all other girls bickering at the straw endlessly, she had kept the straw aside and was addressing the concoction through the glass itself. She was dressed in a peach colored Indian suite, but she wasn’t clinging on to a handkerchief the way it’s usually expected from suite clad girls. She had left her hair open, but not a strand of hair was out of place, or needed being tucked at its place every five minutes. Quite in contrast to his usual behavior, he arrived early today; took his table and decided to wait. She did not make him wait to long, the place was quite busy, and so he didn’t mind either.

“Just in case you are wondering why I am dressed in a traditional attire today , its not because I want to appear as a MTM, its just that I love wearing such clothes and my work doesn’t allow me the chance on week days”, she said. He was stunned at the way this thought cropped up out of the blue and even more by the calmness with which she spoke.

“Not that I am complaining, you are doing justice to the dress” he said. “There you go again, don’t make it go the way a date should, you are here to meet her as a prospective life partner, it’s a matrimonial meeting”, he reminded himself. Amid his thoughts he did manage to steel a glance at her, just to see if she was blushing at his remarks, she wasn’t and he liked her even more for that.

“The silence is getting a bit too long, I must say something…. .. "How is every one doing at home? What’s your favorite color? Who do you think will win the ongoing tri-series? What is your work schedule like? Any thing!!!”, his mind went dizzy thinking about what to say. “Do you want some thing to eat?” he blurted out, and before he knew it, he was waving to call the waitress.

“Anushka I’ll have a slice of cheese Cake”, he saw a hint of childlike smile on her lips , without even asking, he ordered another slice of cheese cake for her too. The order arrived and in no time they were both at it. About 450 calories each and 30 minutes of conversation around their jobs and social lives later, she suggested that they head out.

“Head out and do what, go home??” he was disappointed, and his face showed it. He was starting to have a good time talking to her, “No, how about some place where we can talk?” she asked and the answer was unnecessary, as she led him away.

As he walked dazed by her sassy exuberant personality, he found himself talking and found her laughing, as the walked.He noticed how she walked with an earthly confidence, and how her voice changed to different octaves, as she got more or less excited during the conversation.

He quite liked the fact that she talked to him, looking straight at him, without showing signs of discomfort or looking away. They were heading to the terrace of the mall they were in. The initial newness had worn off and they were contributing to the conversation equally.

He remembered this place; he had been here ever so often in the last 2 years. Some times with company and sometimes all by himself. This place had some of his favorite restaurants and he used to drop in all by himself to treat himself to a good meal. People found him wired to be going out by himself. But he told her that any ways.

She wanted to sit close to the edge of the terrace, it was dusty and slightly sunny, any other girl would have run miles away from such a place if she could.Her Cell phone buzzed, it was her friend. “ Yes I will tell you in detail about him when I come back , he is right next to me and I don’t want to say mean things about him within his earshot” she looked at him and they both laughed.

He liked that fact that she didn’t excuse herself out every time she got a call.

This was dangerous, he thought, Specially after the initial conversation they have had on meeting.

He has no intentions of marrying in the near future and he had forthrightly expressed his thoughts right in the beginning. Having told her that he felt a little uncomfortable, until she told him that she came here predetermined to say no anyways. So the blame was not on him. It was mutual. He expected her to not stay for long, and he would have had the time to himself, In fact he planned to come to the very same place once she left. But now he was here with her. He glanced at his watch and suggested that they get going, since there would be no acceptable reason as to why a one hour meeting got extended to four.She stiffened up all of a sudden and a after a coldish god bye they were both on there way.

Nearly home, he got a sms from her thanking him for showing her a good time.He had a good time too, She was so much like him. He wished he had met her under different circumstances.

But for now, a different challenge awaited him. That of his parent waiting to hear the details; it’s been 4 hours where the meeting was planned for 1. He got home and shut himself up in his room, just to speed break his family’s barrage of questions.

By dinner time the focus had shifted and the questions though still insistent were easy to handle. He expressed his honest opinion about her and it quickly got interpreted into a “yes” by his family. “ Oh son of God, what have I done, well at least I know she is going to turn it down, so I will not have to face my families probing, in fact after being turned down by her, the family would be all the more sympathetic to me” he grinned.

But the destiny had it planned differently; They got engaged to be married in a year’s time.

“So why did you say yes?” He asked him while returning from a dinner a few months later...

“I don’t know myself, is it because you liked visiting cafés, is it because you like cheese cakes just like me, it is for the way you like me in traditional attire, it is because you address attendants by there name, is it because you like spending time by yourself, just like I do, is it because you make me feel as good as I feel when I am by myself,Is it because you looked straight at me when talking, is it because of the fact that you stayed and were comfortable even after expressing your reluctance to marry,is it because I loved the disappointment on your face when I suggested that we should get going, I think I said yes because I liked you, and I thought if it isn’t meant to be, let the “ no “ come from him.“

“hey, I asked you something” his words broke her thoughts

“Well … because you are just like me” She replied.

Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction,Any resemblance to any person living of dead is purely coincidental.

preserve myself

2008-07-25T02:47:00.027+05:30

It was the third time that he fidgeted with his tie, looking himself

up in the mirror, followed by wiping his sweaty hands over his

handkerchief. It was uncharacteristic of him. He, off all people has

always been least bothered about the way he looked. He checked

his watch , it was already 3:00 p.m. He checked his spectacles,

and then the tie and the handkerchief. He tried to put his hair in

place by patting them.

Clearly he wasn't all at ease. Last time he had taken this suite out

was when he attended a wedding, but that was long long back.

He remembered the occasion for which he had brought this suite.

His eyes flinched. The fold lines were still faintly visible on his blazer.

He moved out to leave, he wasn't too far away from the place

but he decided to take a cab any ways.He ignored his friends

suggestion of taking along some flowers.He hated the pompousness.

The ride was about 5 minutes. He stepped out right in the view of

the place where they were to meet. The tie, the handkerchief, the

patting of the hair. He saw her standing there, her back turned

towards him , but he knew it was her. He walked towards her,

glad that she was looking the other way. but just as he reached

close to her, she turned around and spotted him. Was he close

enough to her to speak, or should he move closer, another two

steps as they still looked eye to eye. His voice was failing him

and he knew no matter how much he had prepared himself,

his eyes were giving him away. He swallowed, and tried speaking,

but failed once again. he felt his hand reaching for his tie. Just then

she stepped forward and embraced him in a warm affectionate hug.

He choked on his emotions for a moment, and the very next moment

he felt relived.

People looked at them , as they stood there hugging

each other.People looked at the young beautiful girl, dressed in

vibrant and finest of designer dresses, and the man, grey haired, pale

and frail. He had a faint smile on his face as she rested her head on

his shoulder. "I am sorry Dad" she said, And he was now crying.

2008-07-17T02:09:00.005+05:30

I ate my biscuits all by myself, and I had four of them,
She offered me her cookie while she had just one.
And I felt so very guilty that very moment.

power of resolve

2008-07-15T07:28:00.003+05:30

resolve is the only virtue

Besides

2008-07-11T04:00:00.013+05:30

They sat next to each other, brothers, friends soul mates. The
sat hearing each second tick on the wall clock. Disappointment
had no place, in there hearts,but nor did resolve. Both of them ,
though quite, were thinking of the day they started something
to live there dream. They had both kicked cushy jobs,and a
potentially great future ahead to take this plunge. The memories
of that day were vivid in their minds. It was a new day in every
sense. The looked ahead with hope and a promise.
They were so sure of the step they were taking. They choose
a life of doing what they both loved, over a life of plentiful.
They chose a life of striving their way, rather then sailing the way
of the world. They jumped at the idea of doing things wrong on
there own , rather then doing things right the time trodden way.
Any not many were impressed by there decision, not many
precedences were present of what they were setting out to do .

Yet they never felt like underdogs. There attempts were not
inhibited by norms, nor were they expected to live up to the standards.
There was no standard that they were to be measured against. They
could set there own bench marks. There weren't any things that they
had to do, or certain ways they had to follow. While the flight plan was
uncharted, they were free, so be good or bad, to be successful or failure,
there own god damn way.

But as they went closer and closer to the sole aim that they started
to achieve, The harder it became for them to carry on. With rising
success, came adulation and expectations, Idolization and aspiration.
They were looked upon as inspiration, and they now had to live up to it .
They were expected to deliver the standards they had them selves set.
They were expected to keep trudging the not so easy off beat path they
had taken. They were to do things that they did with innovation, over
and over and all over again.Stifled, they felt the burden of there own
advancement and rise, weigh them down.And soon the power was out of
there hands, and it rested with the people who judged them.

It felt no different then the jobs they kicked, and ironically It came with a
lot more since it was solely up to them to make it work. Stifled, they decided
to close the door, move on,or should i say move back.
As they steps out of their office for the last time, they sighed with disappointment
of not being able to make it work, that this was over.
They shook hands and went there ways at the next intersection,
and sighed with relief, that what started as an excitement, and turned to
an ordeal , was finally over.

Why!!!

2008-06-09T07:31:00.006+05:30

Why are we doing the things that we are doing?
Why are we running the race that we are running?
Why are we after the things that we are after?
Why are we waiting for the things we are waiting for?
Why are we trying to hold on to things that we are trying to hold on to?
Why are we leaving behind things that we are leaving behind?
Why are we addicted to things that we are addicted to ?
Why are we proud of things that we are proud of?
Why are we ashamed of things that we are ashamed of?
Why are we hiding things we are hiding?
Why are we flaunting things that we are flaunting?
Why in this world are we getting inspired by things we are getting inspired by?
Why are we existing in this world?
why are we what we are?

Is it the inner subconscious , the real desire, the want for it ..
or is it just an adherence to the norms, just a complacent attitude
which does not allow us to turn down what ever life is throwing at us.

I will tell you why

Why are we doing the things that we are doing?
Just because we can.

Why are we running the race that we are running?
Because so is every one else.

Why are we after the things that we are after?
Because its good to own or posses.

Why are we waiting for the things we are waiting for?
Because we are too weak to live without hope .

Why are we trying to hold on to things that we are trying to hold on to?
Because deep inside us, we are still scared.

Why are we leaving behind things that we are leaving behind?
Because we are too ashamed or embarrassed to carry them on.

Why are we addicted to things that we are addicted to ?
Because we are weak .

Why are we proud of things that we are proud of?
Because we are weaker then we think .

Why are we ashamed of things that we are ashamed of?
Because we know we have been wrong.

Why are we hiding things we are hiding?
Because we are incapable or handling the reaction.

Why are we flaunting things that we are flaunting?
Because we need reassurance about ourselves.

Why in this world are we getting inspired by things we are getting inspired by?
Because that's all we know,having not seen the real side of things
and only being stuck in the worldliness of things

Why are we existing in this world?
Because we don't have a choice.

Why are we what we are?
Because.....

well.. are we really what we are???

Clean the closet.

2008-06-06T17:52:00.017+05:30

He had finally had enough.It really was high time that he got a firm grip
on his life and turned it around 180 degrees. It was so easy to think of
doing some thing radical with your life, but so utterly tough to go ahead
and execute it. But that part came later. First he had to figure out what
exactly is it that he needs to do. The general feeling of goodness was
missing in his life.
He sat on the floor, with his back resting against the side of his bed, and
facing the glass wall.He liked sitting in that cramped place,having a clear
view of things gave him a comforting feeling, of being secure yet unobstructed.
Some times he sat there just to let go of every thought in is mind and breath.
Today he sat there thinking, what is it that he can do .
Of late he had started to feel the need for cleaning his life, but he had no clue
where to start, or what to start with.He needed to get a lot of things out of his system,
needed to tell a lot of people a lot of
things that were as yet unsaid,but he still needed to be sure if that was a good idea.
Should he go ahead and tell his Friends that he thinks they are just lechers? Should
he confess to the girl he was going out with , that he was merely looking for a fling that
grew out of proportions.Should he tell his parents that his own plans for his life don't
quite match their expectations? And what about telling a few people he works with ,
that they have a fake sense of achievement over nothing.He wanted to tell a few people
how much he appreciates what they do, despite what all and sundry says of them.
He wanted to complement a few people for being able to keep there lives so utterly
simple, while to others he wanted to show how complicated they have made their
lives over nothing. He wanted to let some one know that she clings too strong and
too long to unnecessary emotional baggage.
He wanted to tell some of them that when they crack senseless jokes on others and
laugh, they are the ones who are looking silly.According to him , some of them needed
to know that by saying that they are different and cant change , they are only trying to
delude themselves of the reality of there ordinariness.He really believed that one of
his close friends needed to see that her life was neither out of the ordinary nor blessed.
He wanted to owe up a few mistakes he made, and point out a lot many others made.
He really wanted to ask some of them whats so great about being able to hold large
quantities of beer in there bellies and talking rubbish,Or whats so gravely wrong or
scary about the reality of there lives that they are trying to forget with liquor whether
its week days or weekends.
He had questions and he had questions. All of them were sure to either wake people
up or have them thinking. But surely none of this would go down well with any one.
And then he had a question for himself.What would he get by addressing all these
people in the manner tat he wanted to , asking those questions or telling things as
they are.
He didn't know the reactions his thoughts would induce, or the answers his questions
would get.The would be on the sharp and acerbic side for sure, maybe that was the acid he needed to un-rust his life.
But he knew for sure that It would let him build his behavior on the solid grounds of his own
conviction and without false pretense.Being indifferent is as bad as accepting oppression.
As the confusion started to clear up, he felt open and spread out in that closed cramped space.
This was going to be an interesting month to say the least. He was in it without his armor,
since that's what he was trying to get rid of with this battle.
he braced himself up and reached out for the phone.

now more then ever

2008-06-01T08:12:00.004+05:30

I am ready to give it all up.I am ready to give up a fast
moving career, that could get me places.I am ready to
give up traveling, and seeing places far and wide.I am
ready to give up a chance to meet new interesting people,
who could have probably have had a life changing effect
on me.I am ready to give up living in a furnished apartment,
n the heart of the city. I am ready to give up staying by
my self,and cherishing the inner tranquility.I am ready to give
up staying away from the worries of the world.I am ready to
give up my unending search.I am ready to give up the freedom
to do things the way I want. I am ready to give up the thrill of
newness.I am ready to give up the excitement of unpredictability.
I am ready to give up all that is me. Just for a few moments of
making love to you.

Through it all

2008-05-20T21:22:00.004+05:30

All day it looked like it would start to rain any moment, but it didn't,
He has been out all day, hoping for it to rain, for he was burning inside.
It didn't rain.He stopped at the pedestrian walk way as he spotted a coffee shop.
His steps moved towards the coffee shop, as his hand went to his pocket to get
out some change.
That's when his fingers touched a folded paper kept in his pocket and he started to
burn inside all over again. he stopped, stared and then moved away.
The roads were filled with people, Friday night revelers they all.And he walked.
He walked past the play school,He walked past the theater. He walked past the
church, the lake and the hospital.. . he walked till he was in the heart of the city.
He heard people talking about how rainy it seems, he saw young couples holding
hands walking.He saw the flower shop,and the baker, and the jeweler's display
window. He once wanted to come to all these places. He sat on a bench near the
fountain, the one that had a mural of a couple riding on a Chariot.He sat there and
did just that, as people walked by, surprised to see this young man siting out in the
freezing cold without a coat.
He wiped the drop or sweat forming on his forehead, jumped on his feat and with
definitive steps walked to the nearest phone both.He had come to the busiest place
in the city , so that the noises around him would drown the emotions in his voice.
He took out the folded piece of paper and dialed the number written on it.With great
effort he spoke. And with even greater difficulty he heard her her speak...
with soft hands he kept the phone down and walked straight to his home.
Once inside he went straight to bed, and as he buried his face in the pillow,
it started to rain...

High on pain

2008-05-17T08:56:00.002+05:30

The sweetest kiss leaves a bleeding chest.........

weak against the weakness !!! part -2

2008-05-13T17:25:00.003+05:30

" i cant talk about it, you wont understand"
she said for the millionth time..
and I died an infinite number of deaths inside me that very moment.

weak against the weakness !!!

2008-05-13T16:09:00.011+05:30

Each one of us wants to see our partner as perfect, without any weakness or vice,
in perfect sync with our own personalities, and aligned to our thoughts.
Such is the effect of love that it not only helps you overlook any flaws in the person
one loves,but also makes the person not perceive the faults or weaknesses in his
beloved at all. Love smooths out all the jagged edges in the loved one's personality,
well at least for a while.

Love is all accommodating and that's why it is said that to love truly is to love
every thing about your beloved. Physical attributes, mental strength, traits of
personality, tastes, preferences, habits,mannerism, all ceases to exist in parts,
and there emerges a unified image of the person being loved. That is why it is in
all fairness , fine to love her hair, or her smile, or the joy of her eyes or the crackle
in her voice, Its not fair to claim to be in love with her only for all or any of these
reasons. Love her for who she is, and not for what she is . And similarly,
love him for who he is , and not what he is.

All of us want our lovers to understand whatever we say, as well as whatever
we don't say.But love requires you to not expect him to understand, but to
ensure that he does. NO matter how inflammable a torch, there can be no light
without that first spark. NO matter how understanding the guy , he can never
understand every single thing unless there is an effort to make him understand.

Love can at times be blinding too, and that's when it becomes self destructing.
With time things, that we did do, or did not do, when the relationship was new
and fragile, tend to creep in to our behavior, so strongly that they become a
norm in our behaviors towards our loved.While he might now be a part of
your life close enough to be able to hear what you never earlier said, to
understand fears and feelings that you never earlier shared and to ask things
he never earlier did, so closed and rigid are you in you self laid guidelines
for your behaviors towards him,that you neither can comply to him nor lay to
rest his natural inquisitiveness, yet never lose the feeling of all being well
with him.

Almost always, the reason for rift is when one partner fails to see the other's
reason for discomfort.W the reasons could be as simple as some thing you
often say , to as complex as your reluctance to work your way out of your
self acknowledged weakness. I for instance cant see my partner resigned
to the fact that she would need support to do things, or that she is help less
in a particular situation, or that there is no other choice. To have a heart
big enough to love, means to have courage to face "come what may", with
your partner, or all by your self. Here is where the love cuts both ways.
So while he is trying to shock or push or shove or help you out of a self imposed
barrier, and getting frustrated at your reluctance,you are reluctant to
acknowledge the problem and think he is just being ignorant and finicky.

Love brings with itself the comfort and confidence of being your natural self
with your partner, as well as letting him be.But we more often then not take
this too far and start turning a blind eye even where one needs to change.
While its nice to hear that in love every thing about your partner seems perfect,
It would be a cardinal sin, to just go with this though and not try any help your
partner get better. I believe in a idle scenario , a motivation to get better for your
loved one, must come from with in , but there is no harm if one needs to be
driven by her partner. I for instance firmly believe in the cliche that my partner
makes me wanna be a better man.

Love is not all about charm of the person and a ever lasting longing, its also about
dealing with disagreements and repulsions. While to shut off and let the opponent
shout him self hoarse would be a good strategy any where else, this can never
ever work in a relationship. firstly for the fact that there is no opponent here.
Only a part of you thats differing from you.If you can not put across your point
to some one who essentially is an extension of your own self, you are essentially
unable to talk to your own inner self.

While its very easy keeping happy in love, its very difficult keeping the love in you happy
and healthy.

The Rain that never came!!!

2008-05-03T18:35:00.005+05:30

Parched, burned, by the sun and the heat within, we were, in our own respective lives.

There seems to be water every where, but we don't have the heart to drink. we are both
feeling the conspicuous absence of each other in our life's, and thus the affinity to thirst.
As I said, there is water all around us, but we cant get our selves to drink. Somewhere a
drop of tear rolls down to moisten the parched lips, at other place a drop of sweat.The mere
act of breathing causes a caustic sensation inside the body of one, and gives a choking feeling
to the other.
While the thirst has moved on from the lips to the mind and spread to the body, the desire refuses
to wear off..One tries to freeze her longings with a cold shower, the other tries to scald his away
with a stream of steaming hot water.The souls have shrunk, and are now only tiny seeds in the bodies,
all shriveled up and unreceptive to the emotions of the outside world. The two intertwined lives are
waiting for the rain. that would come and soak them with life.
The rain that made him fall in love with her, would now have to help her redeem her love for him.
Separated, not by space and distance, but by the thoughts, aloof to the others emotions yet longing
for the same, they wait. They wait, for their love to flow into each other again, for there bodies to
be fluid, and there lips to be moist again.
And wait is all they will ever did , for the rain that never came.

What a day !!

2008-05-01T18:19:00.003+05:30

Whew, now that's what i call an interesting day.So two guys on a bike tried
to run over me today morning as i stepped out of my home towards my cab boarding point.
Well yeah i know its kinda impossible to run any one over by a two wheeler.. lol.
but that just about best describes the intentions they had.
I would have ignored it as a case of reckless driving by drunk guys( though tough to believe, drunk at 7 a.m !!!)
had there not been a few more incidents a few days ago ..
I must be crazy to put this incident up here, but i guess we all are..
TO think that the dude or duddett or whatever it is , behind all this would come across n read this, is actually pushing my luck too far. But i care a Damn... I have no reason to be scared, cos i have no clue who it could be, or what could have caused such n angst.. I was a sitting duck but got away scratch free.. so clearly the motive was to cause a stirrer n a scare.. yeah I lost my breath for a while, but i ain't perturbed any more..
Try getting a couple of more wheels next time MF- S/D OB

Vagaries of life !!!

2008-04-30T09:47:00.004+05:30

Such is life, and thats most I can say .
The unexpected usually surprises and excites, but at times it dampens the spirits too ,
by the virtue of leaving a feeling of lack of appreciation and stability. While there is no doubt that
the uncertainties and unpredictable behavior of people tends to keep the interest going strong,
it if persisting for too long, tends to wear out the patients and starts to tax the need for the mundane in life.

Its some times better to be the source of heart ache then any thing else for others, with time the bitterness would soon dissolve and maybe the indifferent attitude would soon mellow down to a more pleasant acquaintance. This any day would be better then skinning you soul for others and being rewarded with
with a continuous barrage of heart wrenching words or actions. In all fairness , its a self inflicted personal offense, no better then taking abuse hands down , to let it go on.

Cry for yourself, its a mean world out there

2008-04-27T11:26:00.004+05:30

As i turned back to go home, the impression of her lips still fresh on mine,
and the warmth of her fragrant hair still persisting in my breath, I felt like crying.
and i did, my eyes remained dry though.
But what was I crying for?? i spent the night introspecting ..
Was i crying because i was soon going to be alone. Was it because I was struggling with
the idea of having to get on with my life, with an integral part missing?Was it because I had invested my emotions into some one to such an extent that now it was impossible living a normal
life without her influence or the lack of it?
Or was it because I was leaving her alone, at a time when she needs me?Was it because she stood there still holding me, as i walked away? Or was it because i also knew that she would soon let me go ... ?
Was I crying for her, who was left behind.. or for her who, I knew would soon move on in life..
Was i crying for myself, who was going away, or for my self , who was left behind..
The answer to all these questions is yes..
And i was crying for the love of love.

Living in parts.

2008-04-26T18:05:00.007+05:30

This was in the waiting for a really long long time, in fact it was due ever since things started.
Tomorrow when you wake up, you wont be able to look forward to the day with me, you
would have a hundred thousand things to say and I would have the desire to hear,but your
words would never reach me . An interesting dream from the last night would linger on way
too long inside your head , to keep its charm.You would have questions to ask, concerns to share
and opinions to seek, but I wont be there.The day would soon stand in all its glory, as always,well almost.. .
With the pace of the day kicking in, you would soon be eaten up by the rush of the world.

Every time you would stop to take a breather, you would realise I am not around. Every time you wet
your lips when you are drinking water , you would burn for me. The buzz of the phone or the new mail
alert would break your effort fully held trance and my thoughts would creep in .While you would smile,
just for a moment, your face would become even more somber soon.

There would still be chocolates and that's just about it.A familiar song playing on the radio,
while you are in the cab, would force you to think of me,as if its was just yesterday .While the
night would continue to be as alluring as ever, there would be no one, in front of whom you can
spread your day and crib and rejoice. There will be no one bugging you with late night calls,
and no one to bug.

The gym class, the morning jog and the evening walk would just be the same, and so would be
the ever invading incompleteness.The excitement of getting a new hair cut, a new dress, or a new
lip color would be the same, and so would be the the feeling of being invisible to the world.The
triumph of success success at work, the joy of festivals and the happiness of those special
days would all be the same, and so would be the desire to share it all with some one.
The way you talk to people wont change, nor would the way people perceive you change.
but some where deep with in you things wont be the same.

Your smile would still have the allure, your words would still enchant, your eyes would still have there sparkle,
and your face would still have the fresh innocence, your actions still would be purposeful, and your thoughts clear. your ambitions would still be high and power full, and your heart still mellow n pure.You wouldcontinue to succeed in all that you do and would continue to impress one and all.
You would have every thing but for me ...

You !!

2008-04-12T08:06:00.008+05:30

You are my biggest weakness, now I want you to be my biggest strength.
You are my strongest desire, now I want you to be my greatest satisfaction.
You are the biggest thrill of my life, now I want you to be my peace of mind.
You are essential for my survival, now I want you to be my reason for life.
You are my treasured possession, now I want you to own me completely.
You are an excitement, now I want you to be the ever lasting calm in my life.
You are a surprise every day, now I want you to be the constant in my life.
You are a soothing influence, now I want you to head the realms of my life.
You are a mellowing force, now I want you to be the driving force of my life.
You are everything that I not, now I want you to be a permanent part of me.
You are a passion, now I you to be my everlasting obsession .
You are the best for me, now I want to be good enough to deserve you.
You are .. all.
and you are.. mine,
well .. aren't you ?

Absolute bloody perfect !!

2008-04-02T19:28:00.003+05:30

There was a time when I wasn't good enough for you..
Now I am "perfect" and deserve some one better.
In all I cant have you either way :(

3 halfs

2008-03-28T21:02:00.001+05:30

"The team is essentially divided into 3 halves" , he said, while addressing the gathering.
The guys is a Sr manager ,earning close to 16 Lakhs p.a.

Yes

2008-03-07T20:53:00.003+05:30

Just because I don't,doesn't mean I can't.

Pass time

2008-03-05T08:44:00.003+05:30

What's her all time favorite pass time...
hurting me

and whats mine.....
letting her do that!!

Just a thought !!!

2008-02-23T21:09:00.002+05:30

It begins with a glimpse, or a passing thought.
and ends in an obsession.
Paulo Cohelo

It starts with the touch of a feather,dreams and rosy eyes.
and ends with a shattering blow, tears and bloddy eyes.
yours truely

Touch of life..

2008-02-17T19:26:00.003+05:30

The moment, depending one ones state of mind, could have been labeled gloomy or surreal.
Was I too tired to even speak or was I too relaxed in her company to want to break the sweet embrace of silence by speaking. With her around, I was breathing, and choking too thinking how long I have been away. Less then 18 hours, my mind told me.
We have been together for years now, and shared closeness to the level that transcends a lot of barriers, yet I haven’t felt the warmth of her embrace, stronger and more comforting then I did at that very moment, 3 ft away from her. I wasn’t even looking towards her, I did not need to. But I knew she was there trying to bring me back and that was all I needed to know. I shifted a little at my place, and looked at her hands.
Looking at them I felt that I could take on the world and come out victorious, just to hold those hands again.
I started to relive the sensation of her touch, whether it was her warm embrace, they way she cuddled up to me, or just the way she ruffled my hair. Her hand was now resting on my arm with her fingers touching the inside of my wrist.
"When are they going to let you go back home with us?", she asked. But I was so captured in the stillness and dreaminess of the moment that even though I heard her clearly and I wanted to reply, my voice failed me.
I leaned against my back, and threw back my head. She held my hand in both her's, and didn’t say any thing. Her eyes were still glued to her book. My eyes open, but looking through everything, even her.
I felt so sorted out and neat at that time. I tightened my grip on her hand, removing her fingers from my wrist since it had started to burn under the bandages.
I was cross that soon the drug would kick in and put me to sleep, Would she still be around when i wake up.
if only didnt have such doubts , i would not have been here in the first place.

Lonely at 24

2008-02-03T17:34:00.000+05:30

Where are all my friends..
the big gang, that i used to hang around with during my college days.the bunch of guys who would come to college early morning and would be the last to leave, sometimes without even attending a single class. The group that was known to do there own things, there own way.There was one of each kinds, the smart alec, the brash goon , the druggii, jester, dude, stylo, every one.And back then it seemed like nothing out of the ordinary, it was a way of life.
Where are they...??
I can go on crying that i dont miss them , but that will not change a thing.
Not too long ago,We all started from the same point, and now while all others have managed to share a common origin, i have drifted too far.
There is no rhyme or reason for my loosing the shared ground.
Its like if you come back home after having spent too long a time too far away , nothing seems quite the same.
There was a time that being together made each moment so interesting that we used to discuss our each day in detail , twice over at times. Now i see those moments in peoples albums, or read about them on mails that were'nt specifically addressed to me, but happened to reach me since i continue to be a part of the mailing list.And thats pretty much i have become , a name in the mailing list, some guy in the old college time photos.
Have i really drifted too far.I guess i have, or maybe not.
I see most of my friends every day,and with a lot of effort am able to exchange a few words with them. I am glad its nothing more then that, as the effort would be quite noticable.My "friends" now comprise of people i am working with at any given instance.
I am soon going to turn 24, and the only people i expect to ( and want to ) wish me on my birthday the ones i have interacted with in the reacent past.Some times, and only a very few instances, when some thing good has happpned, and you want to share the euphoria some one by calling him or her, all that i am able to do is scroll through my long contact List a few times, and then drop my phone.I dont stink or curse or dress shabby.I know i have a lotta well wishers around me and a lot of people who apprecitate the things i do and the things i am. But still there is this void.And i am the last person who can try and fill it.

The vulnerable and The hurt .. in action

2008-01-22T11:47:00.000+05:30

I wrote this phrase a while back

The vulnerable and The hurt
they are not always the same person in a relationship,
and that's that..

and today time has testified to this statement.
Unfortunately, and unexpectedly Its I , who has been at the receving end.

Sugar and salt

2008-01-22T10:32:00.000+05:30

How life changes in a moment.. i am amazed. I can never understand the the dynamics of life, let alone keep up with it.One second you are having the best of times , taking it easy and life seems to look up all the way , the other moment you are trying hard to stop yourself from plunging into a endless gloom.And the mind takes in the sadness
rather quickly, as compared to the good news. Hardly any time has passed since i got the news and my ming has already travled far and wide. I have thought of the extend and impact of the damage, the repurcussions of the event and the reactions of the others involved.

I have abused my self for reacting the way i have, and letting the news effect me to such an extend.
I have looked myself down for showing such weakness.
I have ridiculed my self for not being in a position to prevent or undo what has happened.
I have consoled my self thinking that it was always an understanding that the end would be
some thing like this only .I have contemplated radical steps to escape the misery,and
given up on those thoughts.And subsequently laughed on my self for being such a escapist.
I have visualised how different my life would be from this very moment, and how much
better lives of a lot of other people would be.
I have tried making plans to combat the ill effect of the news in my life.I have also
thought of other things in my life , i might as well fix them while i am fixing the latest mishaps.
I have egged myself on , not to take this too hard and be strong.
I have pointed out a lot of my shortcomings,which resulted in me being in a situation that i am .
All in all i have thoroughly lived , thought , felt and introspected my sorrow in barely a few seconds.
The penetration of thoughts is really fat, even faster is the penetration of sad/negative thoughts.

I feel happiness and sadness are like sugar and salt in more ways then what is commonly perceived.
just as tongue the receptor for taste is able to sense salt rite at the tip, mind the receptor for emotions is
quick to latch on to sadness.

She was, therefore i am

2007-12-01T19:30:00.000+05:30

i don't know who she was, and i never would know.it was a passing moment of a closeness and a contact, and i could feel the difference. In that fraction of a second i felt that after a long time breathing was no more an effort, and i felt the weariness trickling out of my body.Her glance was pleasing and unnerving at the same time.
its as if i was so busy in that moment that now i don't ever remember how she looked, And frankly i am happy that i don't.Its because i don't remember her face, that makes it so surreal and so enchanting. Its like remembering the warmth of the sun to feel comfortable when you are facing the chill of the night.And for all i know we could have bumped into each other several thousand times in our lives,but it was the moment that made the difference.And i don't even wish to see her again , nor do i worry weather she is thinking about me or not.
I know its one of those things that with time buries itself in some corner of your memories before being dissolved and lost in your mind for ever. just like the lightening bolt, it might be several thousand times brighter then the sun , but its one flash and gone forever, you cant hold on to it,
but then neither can you hold on to life.. can you?

Mighty final fight

2007-10-02T15:30:00.000+05:30

He has braved a life threatening illness, and emerged successful. He did not show any signs of suffering ever while battling his illness by himself. On occasions he would loose hope to the pain but would not show it for his parent's sake.

He over came a stammering problem to become one of the most spontaneous and fluent speaker in school. He still has listeners all ears when he speaks.

He has seen times where he would have everyone in a large family showering him with love and affection , and times where he would not see any one for days at a stretch.

He has never been a part of the coolest groups, the toughest gangs, or the brainiest circles. but he seemed to be every where.He is a kind of person who thrives on attention but loves being a part of the audience just as much.

Its easy to miss him, yet you just cant.But then again he is as common and ordinary a guy as it can get.

I mean he doesn't claim to be a rock music fan ,he casually states that he doesn't understand English movies. has never experimented with beards or goatees. i have never ever seen a piece of jewelry on him ,. you know those chunky bracelets or hip hop lockets. he hasn't ever raced a bike on a highway in the dead hours of the night.

He is so easy to miss if you don't know him .But he is the happiest, calmest and most proficient person i have known.
Or until just know. I loathed him when he showed suffering, showed his week vulnerable side to me.He was tired and felt like giving up I hated him for that. Of late he had become a source of inspiration for me. And to see him crumble , broke me too . I hated him.I mean I am like most of us, who cant look inwards to find inspiration or the drive to succeed, So i looked at him instead.I can say , he was the reason i took many a challenges in my life.I felt doomed to a similar fate, to give up when i was withing striking distance.
I was with him when he stood a high rise, contemplating a quick end to things. But he came back ,
Cant say if he came back stronger, but he came back none the less.And i realised, even the toughest of us are allowed a moment of weakness, a loud weep on a friends shoulder, or a shriek in pain.
and as he cried on my shoulder,he did so not to relive himself, but to relive me

Morning !!!

2007-02-25T21:29:00.000+05:30

I woke up to this pleasant warmth on my body, on a morning made cold by pre-dawn showers.
The contrast between the temperature of my body and the surroundings made me distinctly aware
of my self. .I had a smile on my face as i left the bed.Very soon the day would be bursting
with activity and i would be among people,but this tranquility today was different, something
special. something told me that this would stay with me through the day if not forever.
"its just one of those days" I thought.I wasn't sure if i was more refreshed then ever on a morning,
or was i more tired then ever.The contentment was obvious, so much so that even before i realized,
i was on my was to work.I looked out the window n saw the brightness on sun, fighting a futile
battle with the chill in the air.i still had that warmth around me.i was suddenly more aware of the
music around me,not only aware , i was with it and singing.The pain was there too. but it was intoxicating, the kinds where u play with it to derive pleasure out of it.
my hair are still wet after the bath . and i can still feel the firmness of the bed on my back.
have i really woken up. or is this one of those really life like dreams.
the smile is still there, and so is the pain, which occasionally reflects as a frown on my forehead .
and its the pain that i wish , would stay on longer.
there is a gash on my shoulder, just near my collarbone, i am not very sure if its nails or
teeth, but i am sure of the pleasure. despite the frown and the pain.
My hand moves over to rest on my shoulder, and i am smiling again.

The first defence

2007-02-10T20:10:00.003+05:30

I have never believed in defending my self since I see it as an acknowledgement of your adversary's ability to impact you in any way.And i am able to do this because it actually doesn't impact me, not to the magnitude that it would to others.Weather its people playing cheap tricks, or testing conditions or even the wave of voices against me,i have trudged my path, not unaffected but definitely unconcerned.
My reasoning behind it my sound too blown up and superficial. but i believe or at least till now believed in fixing the thorns in your path by walking on them till the sole of my feet grind down.
This in no ways ties to self inflicted pain or a feeling of superiority over other.But it definately breeds supiriority. Its the desolate mindset that i have borne for ever. i don't wish to answer people back or ever retaliate in any ways to any acerbic attacks on me.
and it is far from cowardice, its just like saying "huh!! was that your best shot", even when it has left me bloody.i am not trying to say any thing here or to make a point... its just one of those things about which one cant talk to an unskewed mind.
I hate people who assume its there responsiblity to defend me, more then my agressors. and the reason they give is that they cant bear things beind said to them about me.it just shows there week side when they cant take up a small challenge which doesnt even envolve any potential damage to them.

Deliver or Perish

2007-02-10T20:10:00.001+05:30

Right now, more then ever , i am scared. uncertain of whats in store for tomorrow, unsure of what i want.And this feeling doesn't stem from lack of good things or an excess of bad things.Life is in a good balance in itself.I, the one who had a certain amount of disdain to every thing he ever did, am feeling insufficient for the task at hand.I never could have imagined that i would come to this, to be apprehensive of smallest of things, weary of people,and cautious of what i do or say.Not that i was ever too boorish or reckless, but the effortless flow with which i lived my life seems to have gone missing.I don't know the reason but i guess the mindset that i had doing the toughest of the things, picking the most daunting of the tasks from the choices, is back firing on me.I used to seek satisfaction by pushing my self to the limit, reasoning it as something that would help me grow.I hated the envelop of comfort around me, because that for me is a sign of stagnation.However, now i need easy things in my life, may be not for more then a few days but i need it never the less.
Its no more Deliver or perish that i wanna operate by.
i wanna stand and smell the roses, i wanna sit on a rock n ponder.
and just simply said wanna take things easy and be generous to myself.

Why control !!!

2007-02-03T18:13:00.000+05:30

The slow effects of toxics fumes have left me crippled. I still am physically

able and strong, but it’s my mind that has started to cripple. I am handicapped

by my inability to be happy, by my inability to sing along my favorite song

on radio, by my inability to express my pleasure on meeting a dear one, by not

being able to look forward to a great meal, by not being able to punch my fist in

the air to celebrate my success, by not being able to have a exhaustively good

time with friends. I am crippled, as I am unable to avoid being judgmental

Towards people, unable to express my love openly, unable to care without

Inhibitions. Unable to accept being any where but at the top and unable to see godness in myself

I am a victim of a disease that I believe has cemented its roots in today world

and is ready to spread out fast….

I am suffering from a condition called controlled emotions.

The vulnerable and The hurt

2007-01-25T20:36:00.000+05:30

they are not always the same person in a relationship ..
and that's that..

watch this space

friends !!! why not

2007-01-14T19:21:00.000+05:30

A young baby never wishes to go to kinder garden…
But if he does not, he would never make those "langotia yaars"
Then, he does not wish to go to high school if that means separating from them..
but then if he does not, he would never make those " Buddy gangs "
Then he is sad when going to college.
but if he doesn't, he would have missed out on " happening groups"
Friends are a lot like birthdays..
just because u celebrated your 23rd ..
Doesn't mean your 22nd birthday doesn’t belong to you any more

Similarly just because you made new friends at a new place,
Away from those you made all through the years...
doesn’t mean the old ones are not yours any more.

So brooding over separated friends ..
is an injustice to the people around you who want a friend in you

Let each celebrate his own fears

2007-01-06T22:04:00.001+05:30

I am scared.. and i don't mind letting it be known.
I am scared of the people who try to console
some one crying by being overtly sweet n nice to them.

I am scared of the people who think the world will end if
they don't help me, even when i god damn don't need it.

I am scared of times when people fall fast and fall hard,
of the look of understanding me when i know that they
haven't got no clue of how i feel.

I am scared of people who are too careful or too modest.
I am scared of the people who use words like dude n cool with
the abundance of the magnitude of India's population.

I am scared of people who name u among there best friends while
u are left wondering... "are we friends at all?"

I am scared of those gud luck and congratulatory wishes.
which i know are floating over a lot of muck of malice.
I am scared of company too eager or too deplorable.

I am ALL THIS AND MORE and that leaves me scared on just one thing and none other..

My self

i am my own Hero

2006-12-30T22:41:00.001+05:30

I have always had this feeling that deep inside me there is a child , who wants to be a hero .
there is this some part of me which always wants to do the glorified thing, overlooking
the logic or the need behind it. and at times i do give in to this lust of being my own hero .
in turn i have to sacrifice my comfort, personal time,productivity or my heart felt pursuits,
because these things do not fit in any where in my normal scheme of life.

Each one of us has a hidden desire to do the inordinate, the undone,the unequal, the
kinds which we can later narrate in our accounts, the kinds which wins admiration of
the small folk,and that has been the truth of the human nature.

Weather its the explorations , expeditions,wars to extend empires to have the most,
the biggest ,the best or dedicated pursuits for an innovation, radical creations ,anything
noble and unique came out of this human spirit of doing the different.

But today as i see it.. the spirit has been mortified and reduced to a petty greed.
We indulge in ,or wish to indulge in those act off heroism , not for the triumph of our
own souls, and not to test our valor. But to seek approvals, to be talked about,to
seek popularity or notoriety alike.At times to find a boost for our ever depleted self
esteems or to just create a false sense of superiority.

I have behaved in this manner at times, not wanting to struggle, or when i wanted to get
away from the muck for a while.Whats worse it that i am able to see through other's
acts aimed at achieving this fake supremacy.

Now u can !!!

Rain

Sadness

Me..

Crossroads

Stitches

So near apart

Tears of a man

By myself

Look back

Saddle

Let go

Choose for yourself

Oil and Water

Everything

Cilice

Poem

Poem

Tenacity

Through now

Afraid

Reconcile

But not now.. .

Fight

past

Hate

Needs

Noises

Mind monsters

Chase

Far back in time

Yet

Playback

Red

Whiff of the past

Whiff

Tragedies

Love to agree

Circle

Celebrations

Coffee

No Greys

Living like a Tug boat...

Scars

Me. .

I love you and you and you. ..

Run

Late or in time..

Back

move on ..

All churned up

Oiled up

Who lost what?

The good , the bad and the reality

What would you say . .

Minsicule existance

Continue running

Words

let go

Life is good

Thats also a way

Far less worse

My Bucket List

King !!!

Where is the need for love

preserve myself

Share

power of resolve

Besides

Why!!!

Clean the closet.

now more then ever

Through it all

High on pain

weak against the weakness !!! part -2

weak against the weakness !!!

The Rain that never came!!!

What a day !!

Vagaries of life !!!

Cry for yourself, its a mean world out there